Rajneeti

The worst of the Godfather fakes from Bollywood factory

If not royalties for the use of their intellectual property without due diligence, Francis Ford Coppola and Mario Puzo deserve the Dada Saheb Phalke award for having overwhelmed Bollywood filmfakers and writers with so much of phokut ka inspiration.

The best was Dharmatma (Premnath, Firoz Khan). It was followed by Zulm Ki Hukumat (Dharmendra, Govinda), and Aatank hi Aatank (Rajnikant, Aamir) -- both were average films. Sarkar (Amitabh, Abhishek) was a stylised remake of Zulm Ki Hukumat, and was the worst of them all until the latest arrival -- Rajneeti. The film also has a questionable connection with Mahabharat since it borrows a few characters and plot lines from the epic in a thick-headed way.

The film provides no insight into the political realities of the country with one debatable exception. It projects female political workers as whores, obviously to make male audiences chuckle with great delight. Beware all working women of friendly suggestions like ‘Career mein aage badhna hai to tapasya to karni hi padegi’, which simply means if you want to have a roaring career, be ready to get laid by your boss.

What stops filmmakers like Ram Gopal Verma and Prakash Jha (PJ) from making decent and sensible adaptations of classics like Godfather. PJ claims that he takes years to write his scripts. This one has taken five years with two bearded geniuses, PJ and Anjum Rajabali (AR), at work. What new have they invented here? Every scene and idea is either a pathetic reproduction/adaptation from the two classics, or is commonplace crap lifted from roadside garbage dumps. Cub writers can write a few hundred times better adaptations of Godfather and Mahabharat in less than a week.

Does it serve any purpose - writing these angry reviews of appalling films? It does. I vent out my spleen, which some term as the rants and raves of a ‘frustrated filmmaker.’ It is an invalid allegation though. I am actually a proud crusader against bad cinema. And I have come to a definite conclusion. The Bollywood film establishment must be annihilated before you can think of taking Indian cinema to the pinnacle of glory. When bad films do well at the box office, for whatever reasons, advancing the life and career of third-class writers and directors (TCWD), I feel very upset. PJ and AR are some of the most prominent faces among these TCWDs, thus the objects of this khullamkhulla condemnation and tirade.

The story starts with Kunti who has a one-night stand with an aging Marxist leader Sun (Naseer). She gives birth to an illegitimate child, who is flown into the Ganga wrapped in a red shawl by Bhishm Pitamah (Nana). The illegit son, Karn (Devgan) later turns out be the nemesis of her legit sons Arjun (Ranbir) and Duryodhna No.2 (Arjun Rampal) when her super rich political family splits into two factions because of an intense internecine tussle for power. Karn sides with her devar’s son Duryodhan No.1(Manoj Vajpayee) and gets Kunti’s husband killed. Both the factions start killing each other to lay their claim to the Chief Minister’s gaddi. Ranbir alternates his acts as Michael Corlione, Krishna, and Arjun. The Bhishm Pitamah Nana dons the crown of Krishna and a consigliere as the situation demands.

PJ says Katerina’s role is loosely inspired by Draupadi. Is it so? How come we missed the cheerharan PJ? That surely would have brought a big box office bonanza to UTV. Yudhisthir is missing from the scene. The war is finally won by Krishna/Arjun/Corlione in a thanda and crappy shootout in broad daylight, when he kills an unarmed Karna and Duryodhan No.1. Draupadi, whose husband, Duryodhan No.2, a womaniser and cold-blooded killer, and who had earlier died in a bomb blast, demands that the electorate elect her to the CM’s chair because her husband was killed by his political opponents.

Arjun also has a phirangi girl friend who too dies in the same bomb blast in the way Michael Corlione’s Sicilian bride dies in Godfather. Duryodhan No.2 also performs an Al Capone act reminiscent of The Untouchables when he kills a cop with a baseball bat. Where is the film’s story set? In Chicago!

Yes, there is also this guy who wakes up in the morning to find himself splattered with blood in his bed and discovers that his launda (male lover) has been murdered. Arjun plots this ‘godfatherly’ ‘improvisation’ as well. Later a mobile bomb kills this ‘laundebaaz’ leader. All this is interspersed with loud canned applause and fake CG crowds that look even larger than the numbers that turned up for Gandhi’s funeral.

The Mahabharat war was fought to re-establish Dharma. What purpose is achieved by wasting so much money and star power over a non-film can only be explained by PJ.

There is very little you can discuss intelligently about this cinematically, socially, and culturally inconsequential litter. Is this what PJ understands of Indian politics? He has fought and lost elections and one expected him to make a better film on the subject. But what does the guy deliver -- a third-class remake of Godfather, and some extremely crude and implausible characterisations tenuously based on our great epic, and an overload of loud background applause, and naarebaazi by computer-generated crowds every three minutes of the film, and constant coming and going by a caravan of cars, and implausible murder plots, and caricaturised, and ridiculous gun fights and bomb blasts. Is this what he has learnt of cinema after having done a course in FTII and being in this field for decades? Is this what you call serious and compelling cinema Nikhat Kazmi? Don’t you have any sense of journalistic integrity? How low can you stoop?

It is written jointly by PJ and that Bollywood Xerox copier of a film writer AR who specialises in ripping off Hollywood films and transcribing them badly into Indian languages. This fake, a habitual plagiarist, a murgichor kind of a guy, has no shame in pontificating to the film industry about the art and craft of screen writing. Look at the scripts written by him, almost all of them are reprehensibly pilfered versions of Hollywood classics. Yet PJ and AR and their ilk rule the Bollywood roost. There are corporate production houses that seek their expert advice about film proposals.

They also evaluate scripts of other hopefuls - carrion-eating jackals determining the fate of mighty lions. What can be more demeaning than being judged by these debased mediocrities and copycats?

One does not really feel up to analysing the shit called Rajneeti in detail. Shit is shit. What will you gain by analysing its colour, composition, feel, hardness, softness, and smell? What we must analyse are how these films get made and marketed and promoted. This will come in handy to develop a strategy to save our cinema and artistic sensibilities from the assault of shoddy films by these filmfakers.

Let us examine the role of UTV in this shitty saga. Did the smart talking executives of UTV read the script of the film before giving their go-ahead to the project? If they did, how could they approve of this crap? Obviously, they greenlighted the project because it had a big star cast, with the hottest Bollywood pair leading the pack and they needed an ‘event’ movie to make up for their losses. It made no difference to them if they were going to deliver a quality film to the film audiences or not. They were certain that their marketing machinery would succeed in selling the star spangled film to the weekend crowd of rich and stupid multiplex patrons.

So, now all you rich kids, the multiplex patrons, who go driving at breakneck speed to the posh multiplexes in your long state-of-the-art cars, pockets filled with wads of cash, all set to be the first few to watch the big banner films, should stop and think. UTV and PJ actually treat you like mentally challenged morons, and big-time suckers who are an easy prey for their marketing arsenal.

If you think you are not stupid, don’t watch Rajneeti. If you love your cinema, don’t even have a look at the posters of the film. Watch the DVD of the original Godfather films in your home theatre one more time. You will have a much more rewarding experience and will send a clear message to all PJs and UTVs and the rest that you cannot be taken for granted.

Here is another friendly advice. Visiting a multiplex to gorge on exorbitantly priced samosas, nachos, popcorn, and Pepsi is pointless and fattening. If you really want to stay healthy and yet burn your excess cash, use your gas chullah, or have a bonfire of your ill-gotten wealth at Juhu Chowpati. You can also spend that money wisely if you wish, by sharing it with street kids. Don’t give it to these fake and faltu filmfakers who have no respect for you. They are the scourges of our film industry, and you will be perpetuating the rot by patronising them.

Don’t go by the glowing reviews of the film in newspapers, or on web sites, or by suave intelligent-sounding TV commentators. They are either coerced or bought. If you don’t know this, let me enlighten you. The major production/distribution companies like UTV and well-known stars of Bollywood have a running account and clandestine long-term deals with the Times of India and other media groups to ensure positive news coverage for themselves. They spend crores for this. They take good care of known reviewers in all sorts of ways, paying in cash or even in kind. Exclusive preview shows are organised for the likes of Nikhat, Nahta, Taran, Masand, and the other known names. It is a gigantic nexus of media houses, influential publicists, film columnists, and certain production houses, designed to hoodwink you.

Get smart, and refuse to be bamboozled by the totally manipulated media brouhaha about films like Rajneeti, and HIT BACK. Take a solemn vow that you will never go near a multiplex to watch a film recommended by these khau and compromised reviewers. If they give a film a four star, strike it immediately off your list of weekend viewing. This is the only way to reform these cheats.

Use your power of ‘not to buy tickets’ of bad films like Rajneeti that are tom-tommed as classics by the likes of Nikhat Kazmi. If you remember, she had given four stars to Qurbaan in her review that was published full one day in advance. Her four-star review of Rajneeti in the Times of India is especially written and highlighted to promote the film. Don’t get tricked this time, shun the film to ensure its box office failure.

RKS

Related link  : Apaharan Review