Kahan ho tum Faraha Khan?
'Main Hoon Na' marks two distinct events in the life of Faraha Khan - the demise of a first rate choreographer, and the birth of a mediocre Aaditya Chopra/Karan Johar clone.
The least you will look forward to in a film directed by a gifted choreographer is exceptionally choreographed song and dance numbers.
However, 'Main Hoon Na' showcases the worst of Faraha Khan's choreography. Whatever else it has is pure non-sense, with palpable absence of chemistry, physics, geography, history, sociology, etc. of any kind.
The much talked about chemistry between the hot hot Sush and cool cool Shahrukh is not to be seen on screen. If it worked off screen, in the vanity vans of the duo, it is more of a concern of Gauri Khan than of the viewers.'Main Hoon Na' also demonstrates the empty headedness of most of our film folks and tells us why we should not really take their views seriously about politics, economy, and terrorism. They cannot even do a smart spoof of the system. You need to be intelligent for that. Amrita Rao, the second heroine of the film, is a rare exception. This girl is really intelligent. In one of the Radio shows someone asked her as to what she found really sexy. She came out with a smart and sexy reply. This is what she said, 'someone who does his/her job well, is the sexiest.' This girl will go places. What she needs is some good directors and scripts to work with.
First time in the history of India we are told that we have terrorist groups in the country who do not want the relationship between India and Pakistan to improve and they can go to any extent in sabotaging the peace initiatives. It seems as if some of the Islamist zealots of the film industry like Mahesh Bhatt and Javed Akhtar have succeeded in influencing young impressionable minds by their pseudo secularist bullshit.
What do you write about a film like Main Hoon Na? You can only give some free unsolicited advice to the filmmaker. Here is some food for thought for Faraha Khan.
1. You should really feel inspired by a subject before picking it up for your film and as far as possible try to bring your inherent uniqueness and strengths into play. Now, if choreography was your strength, you should have concentrated on that. What was the need to bring in Suniel Shetty and Naseeruddin Shah and all that political crap into your debut directorial venture? Who asked you to do that? And if you were so keen on turning Shahrukh into a Jackie Chan, you should have taken inspiration from Jackie Chan films instead of Matrix. You may have had the opportunity to choreograph some good fight sequences and expand your repertoire.
2. You don't become a good filmmaker just because you have Shahrukh's dates and Ratan 'Venus' Jain's money to splurge. You can at most put together a proposal. It may also work commercially in a limited way. However, you will be a failure as a director. And if you cannot be proud of your work, it is of no use. And if you are proud of 'Main Hoon Na', you must be one of those who like the smell of their own shit and piss.
3. Chronic fixations and personal obsessions have a poisonous effect on cinema. Film making is a very responsible job. Personal whims and fancies should have very little room here unless you are making a digital short with your own pocket money to be showcased in some art house film festival in some remote corner of a tiny European nation with a population of a few hundred - all retirees or jobless angst ridden young things with surrealistic tattoos on their bums. The obsession of the new breed of filmmakers with Pancham Da's music is getting a bit too far. What more, it is not an internalized obsession. It is too superficial to inspire the 'uninspiring audiences'* of today. It is like dipping an already numb and drained dick into ice cold water and expecting that it may start throbbing again. You kill it forever this way. Cinema of today, both Hollywood and Bollywood variety, is doing exactly this to the audiences.
Sukanya Verma, the stupid friendly reviewer of films for rediff.com, thinks that Main Hoon Na is an entertaining film. She got really turned on by the dialogues in the film. She quotes one perticular 'two line' interaction between Sush and Shahrukh. Out of a few thousand inane dialogues in the film, only these two are a bit, just a bit, interesting. You don't watch a film for two lines of some common place repartee. You can find millions of such jokes and quotable quotes on the internet these days that are a billion times funnier than Sukanya's favourite lines in MHN. However, she found the film quite entertaining so did Vikram Kapadia. This is what he wrote about the film after reading some bad review of the film in some tabloid.
It is rare to see a film review on the front page of a tabloid. And even more rare to see the film being panned in the fashion of a 'Sehwag sixer'. But Main Hun Na happened to be the victim. Something really fishy here. Anyway, even negative publicity works so I had to see it. And I must admit that I enjoyed the first half. I found the director capable of laughing at herself and the entire film industry. Even Shahrukh Khan was easy on his mannerisms. Yes, after interval the director starts to accentuate the formula and the film spirals downwards to its doom. Almost like she had lost her nerve and decided that such and such emotions are required for a success. Pity. Still doesn't deserve the one star review. I've seen far worse, like Masti, which deserves -***** (minus five stars). The only disaster in MHN was Anu Mallik. Imagine letting down a director - choreographer!
It is true Vikram that bad reviews in some of these tabloids are written with hidden agendas. However, good reviews by the likes of Sukanya Verma are also an exercise in paid public relations. And whatever you feel, Main Hoon Na is a big disappointment and yet another case of an opportunity lost.
You can trust a Khullamkhulla review if you ever get to read it. It has only one khullamkhulla agenda, to inspire and coax filmmakers and film critics out of their mediocrity without expecting anything in return. Why is khullamkhulla so determined to do such a favour? Because it believes that good Cinema makes our otherwise boring lives worth living and brings down the rate of suicides in a society. It also promotes peace and harmony in its own unique way. However, the present lot of films are doing just the opposite. They are driving people nuts. We must examine the issue if the rising rate of suicides has anything to do with films like Main Hoon Na. This is serious. The problem should be identified and corrected ASAP.
*Uninspiring audiences - It is a listless lot, bored to death, and who demand nothing from our filmmakers. They laugh in wrong places for wrong reasons. One look at them and you will loose interest in the art and craft of film making forever.
