Khakee is all about a stupid plot, a few interesting characterizations, contrived scenes,  and a demented and bogus filmmaker.

He is touted as the most expensive film director in the market. He is in great demand. He presumably charges two crores for doing a film.

He is the much celebrated film director Raj Kumar Santoshi. And he does it again. He re-establishes his credentials as a rotten filmmaker with his latest offering, Khakee. This is yet another addition in the long list of third rate films like Chinagate, Pukar, and Bhagat Singh.

If Khakee does well by chance as Baghbaan did, it can be concluded that India is certainly shining and climbing up and high on 'stupidity graph'. Should we FEEL GOOD about it? Why not! You are welcome on the bandwagon overloaded with red assed baboons and morons.

However, there are these paid critics who are hyping this film and fooling the public. They are thanking Santoshi for making this REALISTIC film. Ha! Khakee and reality! You should better try quenching your thirst drinking from an empty bottle of Cola.

This film is neither about reality nor about our police force. It is all stupidity and senseless dialoguebaazi. There are five scenes in the film that could be termed as effective and a bit sensible, five scenes among hundred or more scenes. Even TV serials have a better ratio of sensible and senseless scenes. A ten scene episode of Ghar Ghar Ki Kahani may have, at least, one sensible scene.

The film starts with some interesting moments and dialogues. By the time the film gets into its fourth reel, it assumes bizarre dimensions. The very premise of the film is preposterous. Only a joker like Santoshi can think of such a plot. If he could turn a revolutionary like Bhagat Singh into a goon, he can do anything. Santoshi is certainly suffering from a bad hang over of Seven Samurai, and Sholey. He tried to make Chinagate into a Sholey, but failed. He tries to do it again in Khakee and falls flat on his face. He is a demented and stunted filmmaker, with very limited capacity to develop a film idea sensibly. He refuses to work on himself. He is like J.P.Dutta, with no sense of purpose. He makes films because he has the capacity to make star studded proposals.
 

 What is the plot of the film? A guy called Ansari is arrested as an ISI agent. He has to be transported to Mumbai from some place called Chandrpur. None knows why? Every time the police party tries to bring him to Mumbai, terrorists attack it to free Anasari. These terrorists are so powerful that they kill almost all the policemen. However, they are not able to get their hands on Ansari. Now a police party of 'five Samurai' is sent to bring Ansari back to Mumbai. The catch is that the politicians and police officers who are assigning this task to the 'five Samurai' in fact do not want Ansari to be brought to Mumbai. It were they who had got him falsely implicated because they felt he had some file that contained a list of their misdeeds. They wanted the file. Now, the question is why the Chandrpur police could not do this job for their bosses? It was Chandrpur police that had implicated Ansari in the false case. He is in their custody. They could do anything with him. However, the demented Santoshi does not have the capacity to see the obvious. He builds his story on this weak and implausible foundation. What follows after this is one implausible chutiapa after another, interspersed with scenes contrived to create room for Bhashanbaazi and item numbers, some funny shots and scenes lifted straight from foreign flicks, and cliched attempts at creating suspense.
 

It is shocking to hear from film critics and writers that Big B's performance in the film is his career's best. This is blasphemy. How can they do this? How can they get so blinded by Santoshi's money and hype? Are they comparing his performance in films like 'Sholey', 'Anand', 'Amar, Akbar, Anthony', 'Deewar', 'Silsila', and all those countless films including 'Bombay To Goa' with that in 'Khakee'?  Someone from Big B camp should ask these nincompoops to shut up. In fact, Big B's act in his other release Aitbar is far better and balanced than Khakee.

In a way Bachhan's characterization in the film is the weakest after Aishwarya Rai's. Its high point is his speech in front of a police station in charge. And the high point of that speech is just one sentence, 'Aap log hamein hi thokte rahate hain'. It means, 'you keep fucking us all the time'. This speech does not fit with the bizarre plot and equally bizarre action sequences. It is a laboured speech too. Only the last line is spoken convincingly. We all know how simple and easy it is to deliver dialogues convincingly and forcefully if they have the 'F' word. Bachhan may have liked it immensely. He was doing it for the first time in his life. Santoshi has even demeaned Bachhan's character in the scene where Devgan asks the constables to slap their DCP. They slap him. It is so awkward. What was Santoshi trying to do here? Make this the USP of the film or what? Come guys, watch Big B being slapped by junior actors for the first time in his acting career! Ha!

Bachhan gets slapped thrice in the film. Every time he is slapped, people anticipate the big event and have a hearty laugh. However, he is happy that he got the chance to do an 'Al Pacino' Indian ishtyle. Santoshi gave him his big break. He could use the 'F' or 'T' word towards the fag end of his career. This has Mahaimpressed him. Santoshi is going to direct films for AB Corp. He is going to revive the career of Abhishek. Audiences should brace themselves for a relentless 'Thukai' now.

It is high time Big B and Small B start reading film scripts and stories a bit more carefully if they are serious about their profession. They need not rely on directors like Santoshi and J.P.Dutta to get a career boost. They should also be able to look at their work objectively and should separate reality from hype. It is time for them to do some path breaking work. They are in a position to do it. They have the support of Thakur Amar Singh, Anil Ambani, and Sahara Parivar. When would they do it, if not now?

If Khakee does any justice to an actor, it is Akshay Kumar. He is a good comic actor. We have seen him in Hera Pheri. His characterization is exactly that. It works very well, whenever there is some scope for it to work. Had Santoshi not been suffering from Sholey fever, he may have been able to make a good film, using these characters and telling their story properly without resorting to bizarre stuff. Ajay Devgan as usual gives his stock of two expressions all through the film. When he is not shouting his dialogues, he frowns. Lara Dutta is totally wasted. Her item song is a wash out.

Grow up Santoshi, dump the garbage you have picked up from Hollywood action films all these years. All that has become passé. Hollywood itself has been churning out uninspiring stuff and passing through a crisis of ideas and stories. And if you are so keen on making another Sholey, work hard on your scripts. Allow your damaged brain to heal and start functioning again. Take a vow that for the next one year you won't watch Hollywood DVDs. In fact Ram Gopal Verma and Santoshi and the rest of our new generation of smart ass filmmakers should follow this khullamkhulla advice. It may help them come out of their pathetic blockheadedness. It may also work in reverse order, and they may not get any film ideas in their defunct brains. That will be a very very positive development.